The Wilds Project.

October 22, 2022

As soon as I saw the Utah sign I felt the tears start to well. I still can’t believe this is real.

•

The very first time I ever came to Moab was 18 years ago, I spent 10 days camping and canoeing along the Green River. I was baptized beneath the canyon walls and I knew deep in my soul this would be the place I’d one day get married. I spent my teenage years writing letters to and praying for him. I didn’t know who “him” was but I knew he would be everything and more.

•

I can no longer carry the romanticized notion that “everything happens for a reason.” However, I can say with certainty that every heartbreak, failure, and move that begrudgingly brought me back home to Tulsa was to grow and prepare me to be the woman HE needed.

•

When most would see our gut-wrench chaos and run he rooted down and he chose me..he chose us. For him it was simple: we were his and he was ours. Come Hell’s fire and every high water he made his presence abundantly clear and his mere existence brought forth a peace my little home-sweet apartment had never known. Slowly my entire identity and role towards my daughters began to shift. No more breadwinner, shield, sword, and shelter. Just. (finally- long exhale) Mama. I didn’t know how to rest and I fought against it but eventually as time’s passing often does it healed me.

10.14.22-Dead Horse

Following a dream I had years ago, my mom walked down the aisle with (“Grammy’s babies”) Gemma on one arm and Novi on the other. Tammy (Jake’s mom) met them halfway and they all linked arms to join families as Mom & Tammy walked “their girls” all the way down to Jake. His girls.

When the time came for daddy to take my hand and waltz me down to the man of my (entire family’s) dreams neither one of us could talk. I love my dad so much and I realized at that moment I didn’t want to symbolically let go of his hand. I squeezed his arm and held his hand as tight as I could as if to thank him for every moment leading up to this. THIS PINNACLE MOMENT.

We turned the corner and as soon as my tear-soaked face met Jake’s I knew I was home. The eyes that searched, found, and loved ME even when I didn’t exist. The face that I will grow old and die beside. The man that I will love until my last breath. I didn’t see the canyon below us or our dearest family and friends who stood to our right- I was his and he was mine.

Throughout the ceremony I looked over my shoulder toward the girls. They both had tears rolling down their cheeks with Novi smiling up at Gemma, Gemma smiling down at Novi, and the 3 of us smiling at each other.

This went on during most of the ceremony when it hit me-I no longer had to look over my shoulder. Jake had his eyes on all 3 of us and it’s time for me to look to him. My girls are forever my soulmates but the weight of their world no longer sits solely on my shoulders. I looked toward my girls and I found him. Where they are, he is. He chose us.. but man those girls chose him. Jake is the most incredible man I have ever known and I still can’t believe I have the honor of becoming his wife.

No. It wasn’t a fairytale to get here and my heart hurts to reminisce oh, but beyond conviction in my soul this is my Heaven. Kinzer party of 4.

My sweet blessed assurance.

This is our story.. this is our song..